Just Eat It

All of us, at some time or another, have had our hour of clumsiness. Whether we've tripped over our own feet, broken a dish, or burned our fingers on a pan we forgot was still hot, it happens to the best of us. This is why I'm fairly certain that at some point, you have either dropped a piece of food, or you have witnessed another who has. Sometimes this food is a Brussels sprout that you weren't going to eat in the first place. Sometimes though, this food is something that you were dearly looking forward to eating.

You're back in the third grade, and it's lunchtime. You take out the lunch your mom packed you this morning. You're eating and trading your food with your classmates. You take a bite of your bologna sandwich and look over to your right at the kid who's lucky enough to have a mom who puts smarties in his lunch.

As you look over, you see him fumble as he opens the package, and watch as a couple drop onto the floor. Still wanting to eat his smarties very badly, you here him utter the famous, "five second rule!" as he reaches down, scoops them up, and places them in his greedy mouth. Shouting this rule for some reason or another, negates his actions from being what would otherwise be considered disgusting. 

THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

When your food falls on the floor, it land on whatever it lands on, and those are the germs that get on it. It's not as if the there are little germs all around it that the second it falls, charge for it. And there is most definitely not some chief germ that upon hearing of your five second rule, commands, "No my brethren! You have heard the child! We must wait five seconds!". The whole concept is utterly ridiculous!

Furthermore, we all know that the rule changes according to both the desirability of the food, and how long it has been since it fell. If it is a particularly tasty morsel, then suddenly it is changed to the "twenty second rule" or even the "sixty second rule". How about the "no second rule". If you want to eat it, then go ahead and eat it. The world is unhealthily obsessed with germs as it is. 

So please, if you should ever drop a piece of food or something on the ground, do not call out how many seconds you have to retrieve it. Nobody cares. Just eat it. 

Thank you kindly!