The Status Report

For this post, I am going to assume that you have a Facebook account, seeing as it's is more likely that you do than it is likely that you don't. Should you not have one, just use your imagination a little, and I'm sure you will be able to empathize.

So you're sitting at home one day, lazing around, looking for something to do. Suffering from severe boredom, you log on to Facebook account, and search for any notifications. You have none. Just like when you checked five minutes earlier. You creep another one of your old friend's photos. You haven't talked in years, but they still look relatively the same. You've already looked over these photos before so that gets old fast.

You run out of profiles to look at, so you start scrolling down your news feed. Some person is now single. Mary what's-her-face just won a pig on Farmville. Your old camp cabin mate posted thirty-five photos of him and his friends eating a burrito. Fascinating. And then you see that that girl who sits two seats behind you in fourth period English made a status post. It says something like, "Off for a Timmie's run!". You realize it's a good thing she posted that. Whatever would you do if you didn't know that she was off to her local Tim Horton's?! However would you have lived?!

You continue to scroll and you realize how many people are making these mundane posts about everyday things that absolutely nobody needs to know, much less cares about. Are you going to start telling me every time you go to the bathroom too?! You suddenly find it a challenge to find one post about something that actually matters.

Wait! You found one! It's a good thing he made a post about abortion. For we all know, the best way to change a person's opinion on fetuses is to make your Facebook status about it! Because that never leads to a small group of people with polar opinions debating a political issue and getting nowhere really fast.

You soon come to realize that no matter how long you look, you won't find anything of interest (other than the odd humourous pun or cat picture). Worse though is when you realize that no matter how pointless this all is, you can't bring yourself to delete that account. And so, you go back to looking at pictures of that kid that you once knew that no longer has that bad over bite because he wore braces and now doesn't look half bad. Yeah, we all know that kid.

So next time you find yourself tempted to post about what cereal you ate for breakfast, ask yourself, "Does anybody actually care?".

Thank you kindly!