Cut It Right The First Time

Being a person who lives in the great nation of Canada, I am one of the many people who get to enjoy the perks of drinking milk out of a bag. What are the perks you may ask? Truthfully, there are none. Should you be one of these fortunate people, it will not take much imagining on your part to understand what it is I am talking about. Should you drink your milk out of a jug like we crazy people up north ough to, then consider yourself lucky to not have to deal with what I am about to talk about.

So you are sitting around one evening, oh I don't know, studying for a math test the next morning or something. You decide that to help you with your studying, you will have a snack. You choose to eat some oreos. Why wouldn't you want to eat some oreos? They are delicious, you tell yourself, and the deliciousness will be a sort of reward for your hard work. Rewarding yourself will motivate you to work harder. Deep down you know this is a lie, but you convince yourself anyways.

You gather your cookies and sit back down to work when suddenly you realize something's missing. Your snack is not complete without a nice tall glass of cold, refreshing milk. Everybody knows this. So you make your way back to the kitchen, pull a glass out of the cupboard, and open the fridge to pull out a fresh new pitcher of milk.

You grab the handle to tip the contents into your glass. You quickly notice, however, that your glass is being filled at a snails pace. Somebody cut the hole in the milk bag ridiculously small. Of course by the time you've realized this and decided upon stopping and cutting the hole bigger, your glass is more than half full, and it would seem silly by this point to stop pouring. And so, you sit there for what feels like another ten minutes emptying the contents of the bag. It took so long that your arm now feels sore from holding it up.

You have your glass of milk now, which is fine and dandy, but you now face yourself with a new problem. What should you do about the milk bag? Having been through this numerous times before, you know that the dunce who caused this problem in the first place has left you with only two miserable options.

Your first option is to leave the bag as is. This tends to be the more tempting option for it allows you to forget about your problem, if only for a brief time. The problem with this though is that every time you go to get a drink of milk from here on out, you will be faced with this problem and making this decision all over again.

Your second option is to deal with the problem there and then and pull out the scissors and make the hole a bit bigger. This of course, is not necessarily the best option. Although you will never have to face this problem again with this bag of milk, you run a high chance of cutting the hole too big. If this happens, then every time you get a glass of milk, you have to be careful, for the slightest of tippings may cause an excess of liquid to pour forth. You don't want to be crying over spilled milk.

Whichever course you choose to take, you are doomed. So you begrudgingly take your milk back to where you are studying and eat your cookies with a frown. Your snack doesn't taste as good anymore, and you can't concentrate on studying for you are too busy trying not to go around your home asking who cut the milk bag so terribly. You know by now that that doesn't yield any positive results, for not a soul ever admits to doing so.

So please, I realize that slipping up when cutting the hole happens to the best of us, but please try to limit these happenings. Try really hard to get it right, and if you know you can't, do not try. Ask for assistance. You may sound silly, but it's better than what you would look like if you didn't.

Thank you kindly!